Deadly secrets
by skintight-astral-flame
Summary: Buffy's trying to help her sister through adolescent hell, but Dawn is hiding a deadly secret. R&R.. **warning this deals with the subject of cutting**
1. Chapter One

Buffy's trying to help her sister through adolescent hell, but Dawn is hiding a deadly secret.  
  
Don't own the charcters.. ect ect.  
  
R&R please!!  
  
* * * *   
  
Dawn walked into her English class with a smile on her face. Decked in a new pair of jeans and an American Eagle top, she was completely styling.   
  
That was when Christy stepped infrount of her. The most popular, and snobby girl in the entire school. As she stood infrount of Dawn, blocking her way from her friends, she just smiled.  
  
"Gain a little weight Dawn?" Christy asked, as her gang of Christy Wannabee's just giggled behind her.  
  
Dawn didn't know what to say, so just kept quite and pushed past Christy, embarrassed and humiliated.  
  
"What did Christy just say to you?" Dawn's best friend, Ally asked angrily.  
  
Dawn opened her tote bag up and pulled out her brightly colored binder, "She was just being queen of the bitches."   
  
"Someone needs to teach her a lesson, and something about style. BTW you look great." Her friend smiled.  
  
"Thanks." Dawn managed to put a fake smiled on long enough to make her friend happy.  
  
When their English teacher showed up, everything went quiet. Dawn tried to pay attention, but her whole mind was racing on what she was going to do when she got home.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Buffy? Willow?" Dawn called upon entering her house. "Good no one home." She said to herself, walking up the stairs. Entering into the bathroom she shut the door tightly. She was extremely upset from what had happened earlier with Christy, but what if she was right. She always made snide remarks to Dawn.  
  
Walking over to the medicine Cabinet, Dawn opened it and reached inside. Pulling down one of the razor blades, She unzipped her pant leg and took the razor to her thigh.  
  
This wasn't the first time Dawn had done something like this. The first time was on Buffy's twentieth Birthday, after finding out that she was 'the key'. When she had taken the knife to her arm, it was purely in rage, but once she had cut it she had instantly felt a calming effect.  
  
After that she rarely ever cut herself. Once, when she had failed a History test, she had cut the inside of her arm, where the original scar had been. But after the death of her mother, she took a razor blade to the inside of her thigh badly. As things began to get worse in her life, the cuts had become a regular escape.  
  
As the blood poured from the wound on her leg, the calm began to set in.  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy's voice echoed from outside the Bathroom floor.  
  
Dawn instantly ran the bloody razor under the tap and threw it in her bag. Grabbing a couple large bandages from the cabinet, she placed them over her newly inflicted wound. "Give me a minute." She pulled her pants back up and zipped them.   
  
Giving the room a quick one over, Dawn opened the door.  
  
"Are you feeling alrite," Buffy asked, still in her Doublemeat Palace uniform.  
  
Dawn smiled, "I'm great." She turned to walk towards her bedroom.  
  
"I'm going over to the magic box for a while, can you manage not to get in trouble while I'm gone?" Buffy asked, half serious, half kidding.  
  
"I'll be fine," Dawn said, angrily. She stormed into her bedroom and shut the door.  
  
* * * *   
  
"Dawnie not with you?" Willow asked, as Buffy came down the steps of the Magic Box.  
  
Buffy threw her leather shoulder bag on a chair, "She's not in the best mood."  
  
"High School's tough," Xander pointed out, "We all went through it."  
  
"But it just seems like it's going *extra* hard on Dawn. She hasn't been the same since she started."  
  
"She'll be fine." Xander told Buffy.   
  
"Xander's right. The first year can be hard but I'm sure she won't do anything crazy." Willow stated.  
  
  
* * * *   
  
Blood oozed from the self-inflicted wound that Dawn had begun before Buffy had interrupted her. Longer and longer the cut crew until it was half the length of her thigh. As more and more blood poured out of it, Dawn became Calmer and Calmer.  
  
Lying back against the tile of the bathroom, Dawn watched as her blood dripped down the side of her leg and onto the tile. Minutes passed and Dawn began to feel all her troubles slip away.   
  
After applying fresh bandages, Dawn began to clean up the bathroom. Scrubbing the floor, she made sure there were no visible traces of blood. Flushing everything down the toilet she walked back toward her room.  
  
* * * *   
  
When Buffy came home with supper, Dawn was still in her room, now blaring music. Placing the bag of Chinese on the dinning room table, she walked up the stairs.   
  
She knocked on Dawn's door, "Dawn, supper."   
  
The music stopped and Dawn opened the door, "Huh?" She asked  
  
"Supper is on the table." Buffy said to her sister. "I have to go patrolling so Xander will be stopping by. Willow's at the Library studying."   
  
"I don't need a babysitter," She said to Buffy.  
  
Buffy looked at her, "You're kidding right?"  
  
Buffy walked down the steps and Dawn followed. Sitting at the dinning room table, Dawn reached over for the food.  
  
"Dawn what happened to you arm?" Buffy asked, worried.  
  
Dawn realized that a cut she made a week ago still hadn't healed. "I accidentally cut myself," Dawn lied "A tree branch caught me or something."  
  
"It looks kinda nasty," Buffy told her sister,  
  
"I'm fine," Dawn said, grabbing the food with her other arm. "Can we just eat?"   
  
Buffy nodded and took in a mouthful of rice. She began to tell Dawn about her workday, and the guy who has casually asked her for a Doublemeat Special and her number and how she had turned him down by say they were all out of her number. Dawn smiled at her sister's story, it wasn't that she didn't care but she just had other things going on.  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy asked, "Anyone home?"  
  
Dawn snapped out of her daydream, "Huh."  
  
"Is everything alright?" Buffy asked, "You know you can tell me anything."  
  
'Like hell,' Dawn wanted to scream at her sister. "I'm fine, everything's great." She said smiling.  
  
"Okay then," Buffy went back to her meal not sure if her sister was telling everything.  
  
* * * *   
Running down the stairs Dawn was now in a pair of sweat pants and a long sleeved top.  
  
Opening the door, she was surprised at who she saw standing there, Spike.  
  
"Hey 'Bit, big sis around?" He asked, looking around.  
  
"She's gone, you know patrolling." Dawn told him.   
  
"Oh alrite, anyone watching you?" Spike asked  
  
Dawn was getting fed up with all his questions, "Xander's coming over soon."   
  
Spike nodded and turned around, finally he was leaving. Spike instantly turned around.  
  
"You're bleeding," He told her.  
  
She was puzzled, "Excuse me?"  
  
"You're bleeding," He repeated again.  
  
"No I'm not," Dawn realized he could probably smell the blood from her latest cuts.  
  
"I'm a bloody vampire Dawn. I can smell blood." Spike told her.  
  
"I'm not cut," She told him firmly, but close to yelling.  
  
Spike pulled up Dawn's sleeve and saw the three cuts paralell to each other. "Then what would these be lil'bit?"   
  
"There nothing," Dawn pushed Spike away, out of the house.  
  
Dawn saw Xander come up beside Spike, "What's peroxide boy doing here?" Xander asked.  
  
"He was just leaving," Dawn told Xander.  
  
Spike turned around and went in the direction of the cemetary, he really didn't need a verbal fight with the glorified bricklayer.  
  
Dawn started up the stairs, and Xander spoke up to her, "Where you going, I thought we could watch a little TV."  
  
"I was cleaning the bathroom for Buffy," Dawn told Xander  
  
"Want help?" Xander asked  
  
Dawn shook her head, "It won't take me too long, I'll be a couple minutes." She continued running up the stairs.  
  
* * * *   
  
Buffy was in patrolling mood, but Dawn was clearly on her mind. Why was sure in such a bad mood all the time? Was it because she wasn't around enough? Sure she had the gang, but her trips to see them we becoming less and less, she would rather stay home alone that be with anyone.  
  
Buffy had the familiar tingle in the pit of her stomach, and she turned around to find.. To find Spike.   
  
"Spike what the hell are you doing her?" Buffy asked, not the action she was looking for.  
  
He took out a cigarette and lit it, "Dawn said you were out patrolling, thought I could help."   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, "I don't need any help."   
  
"Then how 'bout a game of-"  
  
"Stake the annoying blond vampire?" Buffy asked  
  
"Jeez are all you summers women in bad moods." Spike asked.  
  
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.  
  
"We'll the mini version of you was pissing mad as well." Spike told her, "Remind me not to come by this time of the month,"  
  
"Shut up, what did Dawn say to you?" Buffy asked  
  
"Well apparently Spikey here isn't her favourite vampire." Spike took another drag of his cigarette.  
  
"Not helping," Buffy told him.  
  
"I think maybe you should look for yourself." Spike said.  
  
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked confused.  
  
Spike turned to walk away, "Her arms maybe."   
  
Buffy finally understood what Spike was talking about, and why Dawn was in such a bad mood.  
  
* * * *  
  
When Buffy got home, she went straight to Dawn's room, where she was sleeping.  
  
"Dawn get up," Buffy said, angrily.  
  
"What?" Dawn asked, sitting up.  
  
"Show me your arms." Buffy commanded.  
  
"What's going on Buffy?" Dawn asked,  
  
Buffy took Dawn's arms and lifted up the sleeve of the long nightshirt. And then she saw more closely the cuts and the light scars.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Buffy asked her sister, "You did these yourself didn't you?"  
  
Dawn pulled back, "I told you, a tree branch grabbed me."   
  
"That's crap and you know it. How long has this been going on?" Buffy asked  
  
"Has what been going on?" Dawn asked,   
  
"How long have you been cutting yourself?" Buffy screamed. Once those words came out she nearly broke into tears, and she realized she didn't have to ask her sister how long she had been doing it, she already knew.  
  
"Dawn do you know how dangerious this is?" Buffy asked, calmer than before.  
  
"It's my body and I'll do what I want," Dawn growled.  
  
Buffy tried to hold her sister, "Dawn, please you need to stop this,"   
  
Dawn pushed Buffy away, "Am I ruining everything like always? You wanna see what it looks like Buffy?" Dawn was scaring her, she had a look of rage in her eyes.  
  
Reaching over into her dresser she pulled out a razor, the across the side of the upper part of her arm, she cut herself. Buffy tried to take the razor away but Dawn kept getting out of her reach.  
  
"Like it?" Dawn asked, as blood streamed down her arm.  
  
Buffy grabbed the razor and threw it away, she put her hand over the wound and tried to stop the bleeding.  
  
"Dawn I'm taking you to the hospitable." Buffy said.  
  
"No," Dawn screamed, kicking and hitting her sister.  
  
Willow ran into the room, hearing all the comotion.  
  
"Whats-" She saw the blood all over Dawn's arm and now on Buffy. "Oh my God, Buffy what happened?"  
  
"We need to get Dawn to the hospitble, now." Buffy told Willow.  
  
Willow ran down and started to car.  
  
Dawn had pretty much tired herself out, so she brought Dawn down to the car. Putting her in the backseat, the drove to the hospitble.  
  
* * * *   
  
"Has you sister ever had any incidents like this before?" The doctor asked, outside the exam room where Dawn was getting stiched up.  
  
"There was once, but it wasn't anything like this. I've never seen all those cuts before." Buffy answered.  
  
"Well those are not the only ones, we examed her legs aswell and there are many scars, and some fresh cuts aswell, some as new as today." The doctor explained.  
  
"Why would she do something like this?" Buffy asked  
  
"Alot of people do this but no one really knows why people cut themselves. Maybe it's being able to control there own pain, or trying to distract themselves from emtionally pain." He paused for a moment, "Cutting has also been linked with Physical and sexual abuse."  
  
Buffy looked shocked, "Nothing like, Nothing like that ever happened to Dawn."   
  
"Ms. Summers. It's important that your sister get help. You need to understand that if you doesn't she may very well cut her self to death. But if this continues you may have no other choice but to send her to a place where they can handle this type of thing."  
  
"Like a instatution?" Buffy asked, thinking of her own experinces in one.  
  
"Try getting her into therapy first," The doctor told her.  
  
"Thank you doctor." Buffy said, walking back to where Dawn was.  
  
Dawn pulled her sweater on, "So what did he say, that I'm a complete insano?"   
  
"He said that alot of people do this, and that you'll probably end up killing yourself if you continue. Dawn how could you ever think of doing this?" Buffy asked  
  
"Who cares," Dawn said, walking towards the door.  
  
"I care," Buffy told her sister.  
  
Dawn glared at her sister, "That's new. Usually you don't give a damn."   
  
"Dawn, I realize that High school is tough, but this isn't the way to deal with your feelings." Buffy told her sister, caring.  
  
"Whatever," Dawn said, angerily. "So when do I get sent away so I can become a better child?"   
  
Buffy looked confused, "What makes you think I would sent you away?"   
  
"Isn't that what the doctor told you to do?" Dawn asked  
  
"If things got to their worse, but I'm hoping that you'll decide to realize your hurting the people that love you." Buffy told her sister.  
  
"Can we go now?" Dawn asked, changing the subject.  
  
"Fine, we'll go." Buffy said, leading Dawn out out the hospitble room.  
  
* * * *   
  
"I can't beilve that Dawn would do something like this," Xander said, sitting around the coffee table of Buffy's home.  
  
Buffy took a sip of her tea, "I can't beilve that this has been going on for over a year."   
  
"What are you going to do?" Willow asked, "And what can we help with?"  
  
"First thing Dawn and I both need to go to a therapist and try to find someway to try and get her to stop." Buffy sighed, "I can't beilve what she must be going through to have to cut herself to make it all better."  
  
Buffy got up and walked over to the mantal where a picture of her mother, Joyce was sitting. "Wish mom was here to help me."   
  
Dawn came walking down the stairs, jacket in hand.  
  
"Where do you think your going?" Buffy asked, worried.  
  
"School." Dawn answered  
  
Buffy picked up her keys from the key holder, "Let me drive you."  
  
"Fine," Dawn said angerly, storming out.  
  
"I'll be back soon," Buffy told Willow and Xander.   
  
"Talk your time, talk to her." Willow said  
  
Buffy gave a worried sigh and Left. 


	2. Chapter Two

Buffy's trying to help her sister through adolescent hell, but Dawn is   
hiding a deadly secret.   
  
  
When Dawn got to school, she was happy to be able to see her friends.   
  
"Hey Dawn. What's with the mondo Sweater?" Alley asked, sitting down beside   
her.   
  
Dawn shrugged her shoulders, and started doodling on her notebook.   
  
"Guess what?" Alley said, trying to coax Dawn to talk.   
  
"What?" Dawn asked, not very enthusiastic.   
  
"You know how Kevin and Christy broke up?" Ally asked.   
  
"For the 20th Billion time, unhuh." Dawn answered   
  
Her friend smiled, "Well apparently he's looking for a new GF and he's   
going to pick in this class."   
  
"Really," For a minute Dawn was almost happy, "like he would ever choose   
me."   
  
"If he doesn't he's a mad man." Ally told her,   
  
That was when Kevin walked in, surrounded by his usual group of friends and   
flirting girls, walked in. He pushed them out of the way and began walking   
to Dawn and Ally.   
  
"He's coming our way," Ally said, happily.   
  
"I know." Dawn said, smiling.   
  
Kevin sat down in a chair infront of the girls. "Hey Dawn. Ally, I was   
wondering if you'd like to see a movie with me."   
  
"Me?" Ally asked.   
  
Dawn's smile faded; quickly she got up and ran out of the classroom.   
  
"So what do you say?" Kevin asked.   
  
"Drop dead," She told him. "Dawn wait." She got up and ran after her.   
  
* * * *   
  
Dawn ran into the girl's bathroom and locked the door. Making sure the   
stalls were empty, she pulled her 'emergency' knife out of her bag. Pulling   
up her long sleeve, she cut under her other cut from the night before.   
  
"Dawn," Alley called from outside the door, "please let me in. Kevin's a   
jerk."   
  
Dawn drug the knife under the other cut, longer and longer.   
  
"Dawn please-"   
  
Pressing her back against the tile, she sat down, becoming calmer and   
calmer. Blood continue to stream out of it, on to the tile of the floor,   
becoming a puddle.   
  
Reaching into her bag, Dawn felt around for some bandages, but there were   
none. Reaching above her head, she pulled down some paper towel and placed   
it upon the cut.   
  
Things started to become very faint to Dawn, she tried to stand up, to walk   
over to unlock the door, but the moment she took two steps, she fainted.   
  
* * * *   
  
Dawn woke up to see a face towering above her. Focusing more closely she   
saw that the face was actually Xander's.   
  
"She's waking up," He said,   
  
Dawn looked around at her surroundings, "Where am I?"   
  
"Dawn you in the hospital." She heard Buffy's voice.   
  
"Why," Dawn asked, trying to sit up.   
  
"Your friend Ally got the custodian to open up the door when she heard   
something fall and you didn't answer back." Buffy explained, "She saved your   
life."   
  
"I want to go home," Dawn told her sister.   
  
"You can't," Buffy told her sister.   
  
"Why not?" Dawn asked, worried.   
  
"Because you hurting yourself. Dawn you need help," Buffy said   
  
Dawn laid back on to her pillow, "So how long?"   
  
"A couple weeks," Buffy answered, "depends on if any more cuts end up on   
you arms."   
  
"Does Ally know?" Dawn asked.   
  
Buffy shook her head, "No, They kept her away when they went in. Is that   
all that matters, if your friends know and when you can get out?"   
  
Dawn rolled over on her side and pretended to go to sleep. It wasn't all   
that mattered but it was pretty important.   
  
No one was going to take her cutting away from her, no one. She needed it;   
it was the only was she could make these feelings she had get out.   
  
* * * *   
  
The next morning Dawn had to go to a group therapy session at the   
hospitable. Sitting around her were 6 other self-injurers.   
  
"I started burning myself when I was 10." A Girl from across the room said,   
"A had a guy friend who use to warm up a lighter and stick it on his forearm   
to leave scars. I tried it, and the feeling made everything better. My   
parents were always out and never around and they really didn't care when I   
did something bad. I guess it was my way of punishing myself when my parents   
didn't,"   
  
"Very good, Amanda," The head councilor said, "dawn would you like to tell   
you story?"   
  
Dawn shock her head no, she wasn't like these people. She didn't have a   
problem, so what if she cut herself.   
  
"I will," A thinner girl in the corner, said.   
  
"Okay Sherrie, go ahead." The counselor said smiling.   
  
"Everyone was always bugging me about my weight. I had always been   
naturally short so when I gained 20 pounds over one summer, I felt like a   
freak. Since I couldn't drown my emotions in food, I had to find some other   
way," The girl continued, "I was in my room and I started running a metal   
nail file over my arm, and when it started to bleed I forget I was hungry. I   
just did that instead of eating and I began to lose weight."   
  
More people continued talking about what had lead them to make their first   
cut. One of the older girls actually lifted up her long shirt sleeves and   
showed her deep scars from cutting. Another hour passed and the session   
ended.   
  
"I will see you all tomorrow," The counselor said, "and remember, if you   
feel an urge to cut feel free to talk to someone if that's what it takes to   
make you not."   
  
Dawn began to walk back to her room; Buff would be showing up soon along   
with the rest of the gang.   
  
"Hi," Sherrie, one of the girls from the group came up to Dawn.   
  
"Hi," Dawn said pressing the button on the elevator.   
  
"I'm Sherrie," She said, trying to smile.   
  
The elevator door opened, "Dawn."   
  
"What floor are you on?" She asked   
  
"6th," She answered.   
  
"Same," She walked into the elevator.   
  
Dawn felt like telling the girl to leave her alone, but she didn't. She   
stood quietly in the corner of the elevator.   
  
As the elevator stopped, and the doors opened, Dawn began to walk to her   
room.   
  
"Want some company?" Sherrie asked.   
  
Dawn shook her head, "My family is coming soon. I'll see you tomorrow." She   
walked down the hall.   
  
Coming into her room, she saw Buffy sitting in a chair besides. She knew her   
sister was killing herself with Worry, but she didn't understand why Dawn   
did this.   
  
"Dawn your back," Buffy said   
  
Dawn sat back down on her hospital bed and flipped on the TV.   
  
"Did you go to your session?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Uh huh." She answered   
  
There was a knock at the door and one of the councilors came in. "Ms.   
Summers. Could I have a word with you?"   
  
"Sure," Buffy answered standing up. She walked out of the room, to where   
the councilor was standing.   
  
"Your sister doesn't really seem willing to want to quit." The councilor   
told her. "I think it would be better if she came into private therapy   
sessions as well as the group ones."   
  
"O-okay," Buffy said,   
  
"I'll come by her hospital room tonight in order to have a session with   
her." The councilor turned and walked away.   
  
"So what did she want?" Dawn asked   
  
"She thinks that you need some private therapy. She's going to come by   
tonight." Buffy said to her sister.   
  
"Great," Dawn said sarcastically.   
  
* * * *   
  
"So makes you want to cut?" The councilor asked Dawn. "Or maybe I should   
ask what doesn't make you cut."   
  
"I don't know," Dawn said   
  
"Well, maybe we should start with what made you first want to cut?"   
  
"I don't remember," She lied.   
  
"Fine, how about your last cut. What made you want to cut?"   
  
Dawn thought back, it had been Kevin asking Ally to go out with him. She   
had just wanted to yell at him, or to say something. But she had kept her   
mouth shut and run into the bathroom to cut.   
  
"A boy didn't like me," She told her.   
  
"Seems like such a little thing to have to cut yourself over?" She said to   
Dawn, "Doesn't it?"   
  
"I don't know." Dawn shrugged her shoulders.   
  
She looked at Dawn, Caring, "A lot of cutters start cutting for the big   
things and then start looking for excuses to cut. It becomes an addiction."   
  
"If I wanted to stop, I would." She told the councilor,   
  
"And why don't you?" She asked   
  
Dawn didn't have an answer; all she knew was that she needed her cutting.   
It was something precious to her. Without it she didn't know if she could go   
on living.   
  
"You're not taking my cutting away," She bluntly told the councilor.   
  
"I never said I was. You're the one who needs to get rid of it. I think   
that is enough for tonight. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. And remember   
Dawn, don't be afraid to talk, people will listen."   
  
Who did that person think she was? She didn't know who Dawn was or what she   
had been through. That she had seen her sister die, and come back. She knew   
none of it. 


End file.
